When Monkeys Attack in Las Vegas...
Created and posted for your consideration by Matthew Glenn at 1:50 PMAt around 4 A.M. a monkey escaped from it's cage and commandeered a computer with internet access.
This monkey then somehow managed to navigate threw millions upon millions of web pages until it decided it liked mine. It spent about 40 minutes on my blog going "Ape Shit" and in the process commented, anonymously on 11 different blog posts. Pretty smart monkey, until you actually start to read the comments:
Gordon B. Hinckley Post: Your religion is bullshit
Well Monkey, at least you capitalized the Y correctly but you forgot the period at the end of the sentence.
The Intro from Jake: The Sweater Friends, hmm, does your band sweat a lot? What a stupid name
Oh Monkey, this is why you're lower on the food chain. When humans get cold, they put on a type of clothing called a "Sweater" to keep them warm. 
Bitter Ass Republicans Post: Mr. Glenn, how old are you? You are pathetically snarky. And when did it become okay for a man to be snarky? Sounds like a feminine quality. I assume you possess many other female traits. I am correct, right? See ya snarky!
Wow Monkey I'm half impressed with this comment. Which scientist taught you the word "Snarky"? Probably some stuffy Stanford trust fund baby. I would also like to remind you Monkey, this is my blog, I can do whatever the hell I want.
Nicole's Closet Liberal Post: I agree. It is true that by far the Mormon religion contains the largest percentage of hypocrites.
Monkey are you gay by chance? There seems to be a lot of upset people making this same claim because of Prop 8. Too bad you didn't see my post about it. Would have loved to have your input.
Surrogate Birthing Post: Boring
Ohhh Monkey I'm sorry. I'll do better to post something more interesting for you next time. I forgot monkey's don't have to worry about this particular topic.
Guys & Shaving: just droppin by to say this blog is horrible. especially this topic. gag!
Monkey you must be getting tired. Your posts are progressively getting worse. I guess you don't have to worry about how you look, being a hairy ass monkey and all. We humans do have to maintain our looks. 
Spitting in the City Post: what a little baby. grow up
Monkey, certain humans don't enjoy the sound or appearance of another human hawking a loogie on the street or sidewalk. It's nasty.
Cold Feet Post: sdfffpppppp
Interesting Monkey! But I would appreciate it if you could you translate that for me and tell me what it means in English?
Insecure Post: iooojmccc
Now really Monkey, this is getting a bit irritating. English please! I don't speak monkey.
Electric Car Post: limp 
Well, at least we know you're a male monkey now. You are from a laboratory right? I'm sure Stanford trust fund baby can cook you up some Viagra and cure your "Limp" problem right away.
Lying to Woman Post: matthew glenn's also "relatively intelligent." pppfffft wtf matthew do you mean by that? (first paragraph) asshole
What do I mean Monkey? I mean he's an intelligent guy. I forget that English isn't your first language Monkey. I'll try to use smaller words so your smaller brain can understand.
Well Monkey, thanks for all your enlightening comments. You certainly have made Easter 2009 a memorable one. Just in case you're not a monkey, and actually some lower human life form, I found a Google photo that expresses exactly what I want to say to you, have a great day Monkey: 
I'm happy to give this monkey a banana....anyone wanna join me? LOL
Debs
I really address comments like I have stated before. However this person clearly has an issue. If it had been anyone of this comments alone, I would have ignored it has just drunk douche with nothing better to do at 4 am than annoy me. But this person spent an hour of their time, and commented 11 times. I took it rather personal.
"I really (rarely? just a guess...) address comments like I have stated before.('before' is a preposition, one should not end a sentence with a preposition) However (comma goes here)this person clearly has an issue. If it had been anyone (any one) of this (these) comments alone, I would have ignored it has (as)just (a)drunk (drunken) douche with nothing better to do at 4 am than annoy me. But (comma goes here, also) this person spent an hour of their time, (no need for the comma there) and commented 11 times. I took it rather personal." (personally)
Now really Matthew, this is getting a bit irritating. English please! I don't speak 'Matthew'. Oh Matthew, this is why you're lower on the food chain. What do I mean Matthew? It's nasty. Well Matthew, at least you capitalized the 'I' correctly (insert comma here) but you forgot the proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Wow Matthew I'm half impressed with this comment. I would also like to remind you Matthew, this is your blog, I can do whatever the hell I want. Too bad you didn't see my comment about it. Would have loved to have your input. Ohhh Matthew I'm sorry. I'll do better to post something more interesting for you next time so your smaller brain can understand.
that expresses exactly what I want to say to you, have a great day
Not only is this the model that Jesus Christ taught and demonstrated in his own life, but it also reflects the reality of the strength and maturity of Church members today. -Normal Mormon blog posting
I once had a guy email me to tell me that my personal website was a waste of his time. I emailed him back and told him, if that's the case, then he's free to go elsewhere. I still feel that way. If monkey (or whoever) doesn't like your blog, then monkey (or whoever) should stay away. Or go back under the bridge with the other trolls.